I often come across the statement that “it’s okay to not be okay.”
And it’s true.
It IS okay to not be okay.
Every single one of us endures hardship in this life. Grief. Illness. Intense struggle. Heartbreak. Great disappointment. Unexpected circumstances that knock us off our feet.
Life is HARD. We’re not always going to be able to honestly say that we are “doing well” or “feeling great!” or even that we are “okay.”
Sometimes we are suffering. Miserable. Writhing in pain and grief.
But I need to add something to the “it’s okay to not be okay” narrative.
And it’s this:
“It’s okay to be okay.”
And it IS okay to BE okay!
Many of you have expressed to me your feelings of guilt for being “okay” after experiencing an awful loss—in most cases, the loss of a baby.
Whereas many grieving mothers feel pressured to immediately get up off the bathroom floor and wipe their tears after the loss of a baby, you feel pressured to stay right there, sobbing on the cold, hard tile for the rest of time.
Somewhere along the way, you’ve come to believe that it’s NOT OKAY to BE OKAY. That being okay after such a loss is not acceptable.
And I get that. Because I feel it too.
I’ve lost two babies. And while I’ve never forgotten the horror of those losses, as the years have passed, I can honestly say I’m okay. Often, better than okay.
But every time someone says “it never gets better” I feel guilty. Because that has not been my experience.
Let me be clear. I hate pregnancy loss. I hated experiencing it. I hate watching women and families continue to go through it. I hate everything about it. It’s AWFUL.
There is hope. Eventually my tears dried up. Eventually the darkness lifted. Eventually I felt okay again.
And I don’t want that to be some kind of secret that can’t be spoken aloud. I don’t want to feel ashamed of being okay or for my life having had regained some sense of normalcy.
Just as there is no shame in grief, there is no shame in healing. Just as it’s okay to not be okay, it’s also okay to be okay.
Wherever you are at on your journey of pregnancy loss, it’s okay to be there.
Need encouragement for pregnancy after loss? Find it here: Courageously Expecting: 30 Days of Encouragement for Pregnancy After Loss.
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